APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and current medical report from your doctor. Please be prepared to submit additional information (like a psychological profile and polygraph test) as requested.

1. NAME _______________________________________DATE OF BIRTH_____________________________

2. HEIGHT ______________ WEIGHT_________ IQ_____________ G.P.A.________________

3. SOCIAL SECURITY #__________________________DRIVERS LICENSE # _________________________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK________________________________________________________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS____________________________________CITY/STATE__________________ZIP_____

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?________________________________________________

7. How fast can you run 40 yards?__________________ How fast can you run 2 miles?______________________

8. Do you own a van?___________A truck with oversized tires?_____________A waterbed?_________________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?__________________A tattoo?___________________

9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

10. In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?_________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

11. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?_________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

12. Church you Attend?___________________________How often do you attend?__________________________

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest?_______________________________

14. Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone ever - promise).

A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is in the _____________________

B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________________________________

C. A woman's place is in the _______________________________________________________________

D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is __________________________________

E. In the unfortunate event of my untimely death, I would like my ashes scattered _____________________

F. My greatest fear is ____________________________________________________________________

G. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is ____________________________________

(NOTE: If you answered question G the way I think you did, discontinue and leave premises (keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised).

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?________________________________________________________

16. Have you ever been finger printed?____________________Had a DNA sample taken or recorded?__________

17. My Dentist is ______________________________________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND A HILLARY CLINTON KISS.

_________________________________________

Signature (That means sign your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it could cause you injury).