BILL OF RIGHTS
> We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get
> along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
> nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of
> debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren,
> hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense
> guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other
> liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters.
>
> We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were
> confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of
> No Rights.
>
> ARTICLE I
>
> You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other
> form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no
> one is guaranteeing anything.
>
> ARTICLE II
>
> You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on
> freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may
> leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but
> the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
>
> ARTICLE III
>
> You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver
> in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer
> to make you and all of your relatives independently wealthy.
>
> ARTICLE IV
>
> You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most
> charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we
> are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of
> professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of
> another generation of professional couch potatoes.
>
> ARTICLE V
>
> You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but
> from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public
> health care.
>
> ARTICLE VI
>
> You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap,
> rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest
> of us get together and kill you.
>
> ARTICLE VII
>
> You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat,
> or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised
> if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you
> still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.
>
> ARTICLE VIII
>
> You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in
> foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive
> governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if
> you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not
> want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant
> with a military uniform and a funny hat.
>
> ARTICLE IX
>
> You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have one,
> and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take
> advantage of the opportunities in education and vocational training laid
> before you to make yourself useful.
>
> ARTICLE X
>
> You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you
> have the right to pursue happiness -- which, by the way, is a lot easier
> if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by
> those around you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
end